If you’ve ever made yourself a big Monday promise (“starting today, I’m going to be consistent!”) only to watch that promise fizzle out by Wednesday, you’re definitely not alone.
For women navigating perimenopause and ADHD after 40, “motivation” is often treated like some magical life hack. But let’s be real, if motivation actually worked, I wouldn’t have a graveyard of abandoned planners, a drawer of expired protein bars, or resistance bands that still have the tags on them.
It’s time to take a closer look at what really drives consistency, and why it’s a totally different game for our beautifully complex brains and bodies.
Why Motivation Isn’t The Magic Bullet
Motivation is sold as the superhero of self-improvement. All those Pinterest quotes and “just do it” mantras make it sound like all you need is a spark and everything else will fall into place.
The truth, motivation is unreliable (especially when you have ADHD and you’re riding the hormonal rollercoaster of perimenopause).
ADHD brains already have “creative” dopamine signaling. Add in shifting estrogen and progesterone, and suddenly your drive to exercise, prep healthy meals, or remember your daily vitamin isn’t just low, it might vanish completely.
You’re not broken, lazy, or undisciplined. You’re literally working with a different set of brain and body rules.
Real life example, late last year I bought a new set of resistance bands and swore I’d start doing my workouts and yoga first thing in the morning. It was going to be my new “non-negotiable.” Fast forward a couple of weeks, and those workouts shifted to late afternoons after the boys finish their homeschool lessons, during their one hour of Nintendo Switch time. Motivation got me started, but it didn’t keep me going.
Why Systems (Not Willpower) Are Your Real Best Friend
If you wait for motivation to magically strike, you’ll be stuck on pause more often than you want.
Instead, consistency comes from setting up systems that take the decision-making out of your hands (because your brain is already juggling more tabs than I have open after a homeschool curriculum planning session).
Systems look different for everyone, but they’re built on the same foundation: routines, cues, and supports that keep you rolling even when you’re tired, busy, or just not feeling it.
Example, don’t just decide every day whether to work out. Leave your workout gear next to your coffee pot. Now it’s not “Do I feel like moving?” but “Do I want caffeine with my stretches or after?” Less mental energy. Fewer chances to talk yourself out of it.
Make Habits Tiny, Then Let Them Grow
A common ADHD-perfectionist trap is starting with all-or-nothing goals (“I’ll meal-prep every dinner and exercise an hour a day!”). That usually lasts about as long as my willpower when the boys open a bag of Jalapeno Cheetos. (Why are they so delicious? I don’t even normally like spicy foods!)
Building true consistency means shrinking your habits so small they feel almost silly. Why? Because tiny habits sidestep overwhelm and give your brain the easy wins it craves.
Instead of promising to walk three miles every day, aim for five minutes (literally out the front door and back). Some days, five minutes leads to ten, but even when you’re exhausted or distracted, five is always possible.
Consistency is about showing up, even if imperfectly. Progress piles up when “good enough” becomes your new standard.
Visibility and Reminders: Out of Sight, Out of Mind
If you can’t see it, you’ll forget it (ADHD 101). Hidden vitamins, stashed workout bands, or that meal tracking app buried in a phone folder will never survive the week.
Set yourself up so the action you want to take is the first thing you see.
- Sticky notes on the bathroom mirror (“Take your iron!”)
- Running shoes by the front door
- Pre-chopped veggies at eye level in the fridge (instead of hiding behind the boys’ cheese snacks)
Perfectionism, Meet Reality: Ditching the All-or-Nothing Trap
Between ADHD and hormonal chaos, perfectionism sometimes feels like it’s steering the ship, right up until you hit a storm and abandon it all.
Here’s your permission slip, “Perfect” is not the goal. Consistency is built with mini-messes and lots of restarts.
If you miss a day (or three), you didn’t “blow it.” You just paused. Pick up where you left off. Forgive. Reset. Keep moving.
Cindy, one of my clients, constantly apologizes for life getting in the way of her workouts. But here’s the thing…she still goes hiking, she still swims, and she still chases her grandkids around the yard. That’s all movement, and it all counts. Consistency is not just sticking to a perfect plan, it’s finding ways to keep moving your body in real life.
Body Doubling and Community: The ADHD Accountability Hack
Ever noticed how you’re more likely to get things done when someone else is in the room (even if they’re just scrolling their phone)? That’s “body doubling,” and it’s an ADHD-friendly consistency booster.
Use community for accountability:
- Text a friend before your walk
- Sign up for a group class
- Join a coaching group where everyone gets the ADHD + perimenopause overlap
Even something as simple as posting “I put on my sneakers!” in a group can multiply your follow-through.
Bottom Line: You Don’t Need More Motivation, You Need What Works for You
You won’t find lasting consistency at the bottom of a Pinterest quote board or inside a new planner. You’ll find it by building systems, making habits visible and small, ditching perfection, and connecting with people who help you stay accountable.
It’s not glamorous, but it works, and it’s more possible than you’ve been led to believe.
Let’s Make It Happen
If you’re tired of “just try harder” advice and want science-backed, real-life strategies that work with your brain and hormones, let’s connect.
Comment below, what’s ONE tiny habit or system you’re going to try this week? Whether it’s setting out your vitamins, a five-minute walk, or texting a friend for accountability, I want to cheer you on.
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